thethornbird

"Come with me now to see my world... where there's beauty beyond your dreams"

My entries are friends only for the most part.

Please comment to be added and let me know where I may know you from :]

Im in PA.

I love Mr. Darcy.

My Dad bought me sushi from this Ichibon (spelling?) restaurant on the way home from the airport. Tasty.

I'm terrified about getting my teeth out tomorrow morning.

I made a bracelet.

I miss my lover.

I'm glad I get to see my mom.

The end for now.

I'm still alive.

Having a marvelous time hanging out with Jozef and his family. His mom loves to kiss me on the cheek. She's adorable.

Anyway, I'm so relieved that finals are over. Jozef and I haven't been doing much of anything and that's completely fine with me. Though, I do have some jewelry related shat I need to do before I leave ... among other banky type things. We've just been laying around watching movies. I leave for PA Thursday and get my wisdom teeth out early Friday morning. I am absolutely terrified of being "knocked out." I know I'll be shaking and crying... but I guess this has to be done.

So i'll be in PA for about 2 weeks and then I'm coming back to be with Jozef for New Years. Yay for that. I intend on reading a lot during break, working on my novel, and making jewelry. Maybe selecting a journal to get my short story published in and constructing a resume for grad school. Dear God, I can't believe I'm going to be applying to grad school in a few years. This is ridiculous.

And a very special thanks to whatisbiscuits for purchasing some earrings off of my Etsy last week. It seriously made my finals week more pleasant. <3

If I had a Post Secret it would be:

I act like an idiot to make people laugh because it's much easier than showing the real me/that I'm actually intelligent.

What's yours?

I finished The Pilgrimage today and started to study for my crisis hotline written final ... a little. I moreso just spent today watching tv shows about stupid criminals with my mom and playing with Mr. Darcy.

I bought some new supplies (beautiful beads) etc...

The jeweler gave me 30 dollars when I met him on Friday because two of my pieces sold and some lady asked for my phone number. This is encouraging.

Other than that my weekend has been semi uneventful which I'm grateful for. My brain is already done with this semester and seeing as I have at least a 95% in most of my classes, I'm giving myself a break.

about things and times in my life

... that have never happened.


I had a ta e-mail me feedback on the draft I submitted... saying that it's an "A" paper without revisions. That was a good feeling. But lately I've been so stressed and disconnected- and I'm not really sure what to do about that.

I guess my article/interview thing ended up being used for the Chicago Flame Newspaper...  check it out if you're bored

media.www.chicagoflame.com/media/storage/paper519/news/2009/10/26/Pulse/Trends.And.Tips.From.The.Paul.Mitchell.School-3812428.shtml

I really enjoyed The Reader. But the ending came so abruptly and it was so shocking...

If he really thought this ending was best,  I think there would have been a better way to do it. It just left so many things unanswered... and life doesn't always give you answers, but I think that this particular situation may have had some- no matter how abstract.


( Potential Spoiler? )

I can't believe anyone would be so mean to Jessica Simpson.

What did she ever do?

She gained a few pounds and people MADE A COMMERCIAL about it. Seriously? And Fox apologized because they didn't realize it'd be hurtful.

What a load of shit.

What is WRONG with people?

And if I had any time to express myself, I would.

Believe me... I would express the hell outta myself.



I may have an article/interview/blurb/thing in the UIC Flame sometime soon.

This may be interesting. While not  a huge accomplishment, it is a step up from where I've been for, well, a long time.


5 Gratitudes
1. safe trip
2. Jozef making me food
3. Laying with Jozef before my flight and resting on his chest
4. Reading The Reader
5. Finishing another bracelet

I always feel as though I  have no time.

I don't think my heart can stand another one of Chicago's cold Winters.

I asked if Jozef would move with me to Hawaii if we liked it there. He said he would.

My new goal is to visit... I know I'll love it. And I know once I get a taste of that type of weather, that life-- that paradise for me...

I'll never come back.

bookworm1414.wordpress.com/
And that collaborative fiction project in blog form is pretty much finished (for my English class). If you're bored and want something to read-- check it out.

5 Gratitudes
1. Spending a couple days with Jozef
2. Eating his mom's cake
3. Laughing at A Cinderella Story with Caitlin
4. Walking back to my place from the train station
5. Reading Utopia on the train

Have you ever looked at yourself naked in the mirror- before a shower or something
and just thought:

what the hell? why me?

That's where I'm at right now.

Even when I have a consistent work-out routine I don't seem to notice any improvements.

Believe me, I know I'm not obese.
I just feel so flabby and untoned and that my body isn't "pleasant to look at " or feminine.

He has such faith that people have a good side--

something that I can't seem to find.

But assuming the worst has got me this far

For some reason my mom keeps making me feel like I'm pushing my luck coming back to Chicago so late at night.

I don't really feel that way but she makes me so paranoid.
I take a bus the majority of the way and walk the remaining 2 blocks on a really busy road.
What's the problem? I should be able to go where I want, when I want.

I'm 20 years old. I'm not stupid.

But I'll be there for you
As the world falls down

The psychology professor I have whose dad passed away over the weekend was saying today how it went as peacefully as it could have. He was in a bed surrounded by family holding his hand and then he just stopped breathing. This eased my fears about death for about a minute ... thinking that if I had something like that it may not be that bad.

But then- for some reason I just never really pictured myself dying of old age. I don't know what I picture myself dying of... but old age was never it.

I miss Jozef. This never stops ... it only gets stronger and I'm a completely selfish person when it comes to him.

"A seductiveness that had nothing to do with breasts and hips and  legs, but was an invitation to forget the world in the recesses of the body"

- The Reader

Looking at some of my friend's photography. Mostly guys.

And I gotta comment on how they only choose ridiculously skinny girls for models.

Go figure-

could it be this notion girls acquire that they need to be skinny... is reinforced not only by media but by some men as well?

I think so.

I think so.

Refute if you must.

Jozef spent the night Saturday... we went to the beach during the day because it was hot and lounged together.

Today I got to see Aimee and Zachary and some of her friends from North Central!

Fun stuffs yesh. We went to Navy Pier and ate at Bubba Gumps. I also took the water taxi for the first time. Pretty cool.

I braved the Ferris Wheel there... I freaked out because it was so high lol But we had a great view.

On September 11, 2001, I was in a math class in middle school when the Twin Towers were attacked. I didn't exactly know what the World Trade Center was at the time, but I did know that a lot of people are in New York.

Today I forced myself to watch a lot of footage from 9/11 on the history channel with Caitlin. I couldn't believe that this is something our kids will learn about in history books- something so horrible.

I was "okay" watching it until I saw people jumping. I knew that people had jumped, I just hadn't realized how many. And I saw footage of people being evacuated in one of the towers on the bottom floors and hearing bodies hitting the glass/ceiling above them. And then I just cried.